When you need help fast. Use our phone service to request us to get in touch with someone who has no phone!

I’ve just got back from my dad’s and i’m worried about him, he has a history of stroke and he’s all over the place. I need some advice on what to do?

*Ok I need a phone number so I can call him up and check on him as we need someone to be with the patient*

Oh my dad he doesn’t have a tv or even a phone he doesn’t know how to use it.. he doesn’t believe in them…’

*I need you to get him to call us can you ring a neighbour so I can check on his current status?*

Oh I just need a doctor to go visit him, I was just with him 2 hours ago I’d have to drive all the way back!

*well if he’s having issues with his stroke he needs to be in hospital*

Oh he won;t go to the hospital I need someone medical to convince him of that

‘maam we’re a MEDICAL…PHONE service… how am I meant to call him?’

oh just send a doctor around please I just came 2 hours drive from his house

*how am I meant to know he’s even still there! you need to either be with him and call us or send a neighbour aorund to check on him I can’t send anyone out to him if I don’t know where he is going to be or confirm his current condition, you should call 999 if you think he’s having or had a stroke”

You people are terrible what an awful service!?!? If he’s died of a stroke, it will be all your fault!!!

*click*

 

 

‘WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL AT THE TIME YOU DROVE BACK 2 HOURS TO CALL US!?!? HE’S PROBABLY HAVING A BLOODY STROKE!’

BLOOD PRESSURE RISING

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I get about 1 accidental overdose a day here’s some of the examples.

I’ve dropped my pills on the floor and my baby thought they were smarties.

I haven’t cooked this chicken properly and my husband just took a bite. Do I need to goto A&E

Ok so I got my meds mixed up on the kitchen today…. umm I think i’ve just given myself my dog de-worming tablets

I’m in pain my teeth have been killing me. I’ve been taking paracetamol all week with ibuprofen i’m worried i’ve taken too much (8 a day is the recommend limit, 12 for your average adult in 24 hours is considered an overdose, equally too much ibuprofen can liquify your digestive tract around 28+ in 24 hours) I’ve taken about 2 packs of paracetamol in the last 36 hours and a tonne of ibuprofen, oh and some cocodamol too (codocadmol is codeine and paracetamol) 

*sir I think you need to goto A&E right away!*

I’ve stabbed my fridge with a knife and it’s stopped working.. am I going to get poisoned by the xenon gas?

 

That’s MRS ***** to you! (THE PERFECT CALL AFTER DEALING WITH SOMEONE WHO;S JUST ATTEMPTED TO KILL THEMSELVES), OUR LOCAL PSYCHOPATH)

I’m in pain!

*what seems to be causing it*

Oh I don;t know it’s my legs is it not on your system?!

*afraid not, now Sarah In order to help you I need to just rule a few things out and then I can get your the help you need ok?…*

I’M NOT SARAH TO YOU I’M MRS ***** , DON’T YOU CALL ME SARAH I DON’T KNOW YOU!

*…ok… (does this lady want my help or not?)…. ok MRS ***** I need to ask some questions.*

I’M NOT ASKING YOUR QUESTIONS GET ME A DOCTOR I’M IN PAIN!

*OK but what’s wrong?*

MY LEGS MY BLOODY LEGS!

*(Cellulitus probably)*

Now what usually happens here is a 5-10 minute assesment, boring sometimes, tedious others, necessary because a lot of the big issues have minor symptoms too. it’s not big it’s not clever but it does however make sure you don’t miss something, and often it makes sure you aren’t sending someone to A&E for a minor condition that can wait a week. This lady needs pain relief but ooooh nooo she isn’t answering no damn questions. we’ve have classic respoinses from her such as:

“you’re fat aren’t you….you sound fat”

“you don’t refer to me as SARAH you are here to help me!”

“put me through to a doctor….NOW!” (yeah he’s gonna love you!)

She seems to respond better if you actually put her in HER place and then we get along but by god if there’s one woman I will NEVER deal with it’s her! And i’ve dealt with abusive people believe me.

She’s not the worst but she does go in the hall of fame as the most obnoxious person you will ever meet.

 

This particular caller turned out to continue calling us some 10 times after me.

Can you fix my phone line I can only dial you and 999.. My phone won’t dial out!!!

*do you need a doctor?*

NO I NEED MY PHONE FIXED!…WHY ARNE;T YOU HELPING ME??? …

*madam we’re a medical service not a phone service we don’t have the ability to fix your phone i’m not the operator*

…why won’t you help me! I’m ringing 999….

*sigh.. better put in the notes the actual number so they can tell her what number she needs to ring…. a neighbour can probably help*

Turns out she most likely hadn’t paid the bill. The companies don’t block emergency lines unless your line is physically cut off.